i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
