Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
