i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
