I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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