my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
