Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
