goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
