weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
