My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Someone shattered a urinal.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
