So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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