also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
