So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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