I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
