Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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