i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
