I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
