i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
