He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
