oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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