Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
