I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
