Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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