So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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