Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
