he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
