why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Terrible idea I love it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
