in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
