Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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