Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
