he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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