sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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