i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
