More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
