I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
