I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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