'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
