What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
