M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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