: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
