The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
