paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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