so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
