WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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