We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
