That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
