oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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