My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
