tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
