to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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