Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
