Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
