hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
