She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
