Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
