I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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