smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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