Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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