I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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