the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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