so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
