No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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