You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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