So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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