turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
