I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
