You just made me feel so damn special
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
