i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
