So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
