HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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