You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
