Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My bed smells like the plague
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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