Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
