smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
