Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
