there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
