Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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