U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
