Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
