Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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