He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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