So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
