Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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