i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
