Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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