Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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