u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How does one acquire holy water?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize