I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
