So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
